How To Speak To Children About War
By Julian Consoli
The war between Israel and Hamas has dominated the headlines. Thousands of lives have been lost on both sides, including 4600 children in Gaza. Currently, 1200 Israelis have died; with 240 being taken as hostage. These stories can be an unsettling read for the most frequent of news consumers, so imagine the affect it has on children.
It’s important to discuss these pressing matters with young ones. By avoiding these topics, children may assume it’s not acceptable to discuss their feelings. Additionally, they may become hesitant to ask questions or think it’s normal to be reactionless to high stress events.
Hearing about international wars and conflicts tends to, “enhance our sense of danger and may cause worry about what will happen in the days and weeks ahead.” according to The National Child Traumatic Stress Network. This effect certainly applies to children as well. The N.C.T.S.N claims that most children will discover war and its consequences through the use of social media. Given the intensity and graphic nature of the stories they’re encountering children may struggle to understand what they’re seeing. The N.C.T.S.N says that guardians can help children process these stories through open and collaborative conversations.
It is important to consider a few factors before speaking to a child about war. These conflicts can trigger their own trauma; causing them to feel sad, anxious and helpless. “Caregivers should also pay attention to any regressive behaviors that might manifest, as some children won’t be able to articulate their stress over what’s happening.” says Marsha Richardson, Director of Penn GSE’s School and Mental Health Counseling Program.
Children with past trauma may be more sensitive or reactive towards violence-focused stories such as these. The National Centre for Biotechnology Information says, “There is a strong theoretical basis for developmental influences on children’s war media reactions, but the potential influence of other child factors (e.g., gender, socioeconomic disadvantage, prior trauma, culture, religious and political ideology) and aspects of coverage and the context of contact warrant additional attention.” Without question, a child’s life experience significantly impacts their reaction to news of war.
Similarly, if a child has a family member in the military, learning about the war may trigger feelings of fear for their loved ones. If the child has any loved ones inside or near the region of conflict, hearing about these stories may also trigger feelings of worry for their safety. The N.C.T.S.N acknowledges that keeping up with events is especially important when family is involved but recommends finding breaktime from news coverage to aid the coping process.
Between social media, television, and schoolground interactions; there is no guarantee that your child hasn’t already heard been exposed to graphic concepts or content without your awareness. The N.C.T.S.N advises readers not to presume that they know the thoughts and feelings of their child. They encourage parents to validate their child’s feelings by asking what it is they know and build from there. Additionally, they advise that readers anticipate having multiple conversations about these topics. Ideally, there should be a healthy balance of the child coming forward with questions and the parents checking in.
Checking in with your child is crucial. It’s important to assess whether or not your child understands the circumstances. Failure to clarify misconceptions can lead to a false sense of endangerment, increased anxiety, paranoia, etc. The N.C.T.S.N suggests that readers discuss the location of the war and reassure children that their community is safe.
Anxiety Canada, an organization that provides self-help resources, programs and services for children, youth, adults and educators on anxiety; adds that children may need assistance with labelling and understanding their feelings.
Speaking to children about war is inherently complicated. It can cause a clash between your desire to teach and your desire to protect. Researchers suggest they’re both accomplished the same way.
Children are curious. Endlessly and passionately curious. While they may not be old enough to grasp the complexities of war, they’re certainly old enough to have an opinion on what they see and hear. Regardless of political belief, it is the duty of the parent to find a healthy balance of informing and listening to their child.
